There are some niyama or rules for Navratri.

1. Maintain neatness in the puja place.
2. Avoid eating non-vegetarian food during Navratri vrat.
3. Make a timetable for puja and follow that.
4. Avoid entertainment and other recreational activities as much as possible.
5. Avoid maithuna or sexual activities during Navratri.
6. Charity is the main aspect of Navratri. Do charity and donation as much as you can.
7. Food charity is the main aspect of this puja. A kanya or suhasini should be fed.
8. Spend as much as time in Devi Prarthana as possible.

The young brahmin asked.  Is it true, your daughter has all the good qualities & pleasing looks?
Old brahmin answered, Yes, more than that . She is Sundaravati & Padmavati.
But, can she cook & keep the house clean? asked the young one.
Oh yes,  she is Dharma Vati! Answered the old man.
Can she sew?  asked the young man.
Oh yes, she can not only sew, but she is  KalaVati! answered old man.
What about her education? Asked the young man.
She is  Vidya Vati! Answered the old man.
And the Vedas? asked the young man.
Oh yes,  yes,  she is  Veda Vati! answered the old man.
The young man is very happy to find a perfect bride & gets married to her.

Two days later, he comes back with his newly married bride in tow. The old Brahmin is surprised.
He asks, “What happened, my son? Why do you look so upset?”
The young man says,  Well sir,  you told me  your daughter was Sundaravati,  Padmavati,  Dharmavati,  Kalavati,  Vidyavati  and  Vedavati ?
Yes, my son – I certainly did” replied the old man.
But Sir – you forgot to tell me that, she is also ‘Garbhavati’ (pregnant)

Last night I said to my boyfriend “I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table.”

So he climbs into bed very slowly and says: “Honey, would you please pass me the pussy?”

A husband wife, were sitting at home, watching a T.V. Program about human psychology, which was explaining the phenomenon of “Mixed Emotions”

The husband asked his wife, “Do you really believe in this nonsense?”
She replied, “Yes, I do!”
He responded, “What crap! This is all bull-shit ! I bet that, you cant tell me anything, which will make me happy sad, at the same time !”
She replied, ” Do you know that, out of your 4 best friends, Jake, Tom, John Richard, you have the biggest penis ?”