Girl: What is the opposite of laughing?
Boy: F-cking.
Girl: What?
Boy: Yes!…..because when you are laughing you say “Ha ha ha ha” and when ur f-cking you say “Ah ah ah ah”.

As the woman passed her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, “What in the world are you doing?”

The daughter replied, “Mom, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.”

The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, “Dad, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.”

A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked, “What the hell are you doing?” The husband replied, “I’m watching the ball game with my son-in-law.”

One day a girl was with her mom in the park and saw two teens having sex on the bench. The little girl asked her mom, “Mommy, what are they doing?”
The mom was blushing and replied, “Oh their making cakes.”
The next day the girl and the mom went to the zoo and saw two monkey having sex. The little girl asked again, “Mommy, what are they doing?”
Again the mother replied, “Oh their making cakes.”
The next day, the little girl confronted her mom, “Mommy, I know you and daddy we’re making cakes last night.”
The mom was frightened and asked, “How did you know?”
The little girl replied, “I licked the icing off the couch! It was good too!”

Police officer George and woman Police officer Mary and their police dog had been assigned to walk a beat. They had been out only a short time then Mary said, “Damn, I was running late this morning I forgot to put on my panties! It is so uncomfortable. We have to go back to the station to get them.”

“We don’t have to go back,” George replied. “Just give the dog one sniff between your legs, and he’ll go fetch them for you.”

Mary lifted her skirt for the dog. After ten seconds of sniffing, the dog took off toward the station house.

Twenty minutes later they heard sirens. Suddenly the dog rounded the corner with a dozen police cars in pursuit – and the superintendent’s balls in his mouth!

A man and his friend went to a bar and started talking. The man says to his friend “I think my wife is cheating on me.”

The friend says, “How do you know?”
The man replies, “She didn’t come home last night and she said she was with her sister Shirley.”
The friend said, “and…..”
The man says, “She is lying because I was with her sister last night.”