Man teases his ex-wife’s new hushand: so dude how was the second-hand stuff?
New husband: Not bad, after the first 2 inches, she was brand new!
Category Archives: Jokes
He said to me
- I don’t know why you wear a bra, you’ve got nothing to put in it. I said to him You wear pants don’t you?
- Shall we try swapping positions tonight?I said to him, that’s a good idea, you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
- What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? I said to him Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
- Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good – looking? I said to him They already have boyfriends.
- What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?I said to him. A widow.
- Why are married women heavier than single women? I said to him. Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
Golf – The Games People Play !
Two women were playing golf.
One tee’d off and watched in horror, as her golf ball, headed directly towards four men, playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed over to the man and immediately began to apologize.
She said anxiously to him … ” Please allow me to help. I am a Physiotherapist. I know I could relieve your pain, if you would allow me ”
The man replied in pain … ” Oh, no ! I shall be all right. I should be fine, in a few minutes ”
But he was clearly still in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. The woman persisted on helping him.
Finally, he allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side. She loosened his pants. She put her hand under his brief. She cupped his testicles very gently and started soothingly massaging them. She continued doing so, for almost 2-3 minutes. The man shut his eyes and was obviously enjoying the massage !
Finally, continuing to massage his testicles, she asked him, ” How does that feel ? ”
The man replied … ” Ma’am, this feels like heaven ! I am thoroughly enjoying your hands on my testicles. But I am still a bit worried that, maybe I may have broken my thumb !!! “
A Vicious Circle.. happens when …
The boss calls his secretary says, “Get ready for the weekend. We are going to have hot extended sexual sessions, under the excuse of a ‘business trip'”!…
The secretary calls her own husband says, “My boss has a business trip for two days. I have to accompany him, to help him out with his meetings. So, take care of yourself the children “…
The secretary’s husband calls his Mistress says, “Get ready for the weekend. We are going to have hot extended sexual sessions, as my wife is going with her boss, on a business trip”…
The Mistress, calls the little boy, to whom she gives tuitions says, “No tuition this weekend “…
The little boy calls his grand-father says, “Grandpa, good news ! At last we can spend the weekend together ! I have no tuitions this weekend ! “…
The Grandpa, who is actually the secretary’s boss, calls her again says, “Our trip is cancelled. I have to spend the weekend with my grand son “…
The secretary calls her own husband again says, “My boss has cancelled the trip. I will be at home this weekend we can have fun ! “…
The Mistress, calls the little boy, to whom she gives tuitions again says, “There will be tuition, this weekend “…
The little boy calls his grand-father again says, “Grandpa, bad news ! We cant spend the weekend together ! I have tuitions this weekend ! “…
The Grand pa ( boss ) calls his secretary says, “I cant spend the weekend with my grandson. Get ready for the weekend. We are going to have hot extended sexual sessions, under the excuse of a ‘business trip'”!…
The secretary calls her own husband again says, “My boss has a business trip for two days. I have to accompany him, to help him out with his meetings. So, take care of yourself the children “…
My husband said and I replied …
He said to me … “I don’t understand, why you wear a bra. You have nothing to put, in it ! ”
I said to him … “You wear pants. Don’t you ? ”
He said to me … “Shall we try, swapping positions, tonight ? ”
I said to him … “That is a great idea ! You cook and I will sit in front of the TV, doing nothing ! ”
He said to me … “What did you do, with all the grocery money, that I gave you ? ”
I said to him … “Turn sideways, in front of the mirror and look at yourself ! ”
He said to me … “Why don’t you blink, during my foreplay on you, in the bed ? ”
I said to him … “I don’t get enough time, to blink ! ”
He said to me … “Does this house need me, to change a roll of toilet paper ? ”
I said to him … “I don’t know. It has never happened ! ”
He said to me … “Am I not sensitive, caring good looking ? ”
I said to him … “Such men, usually have boy-friends ! ”
He said to me … “All wives, usually know, where their husbands are at nights ”
I said to him … “Only widows ! ”
He said to me … “Why are you heavier, than beautiful single women ? ”
I said to him … “Beautiful single women, come home from work, see whats in the fridge and go to bed. I come home from work, see whats on the bed and go to the fridge !!! “