Category Archives: Men and Women

Promotion Blues!!!

Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants.

Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Leroy says, “Hey, Jasper, there’s the Officer’s Club. Let’s you and me stop in.”

“But we’re privates,” protests Jasper.

“We’re sergeants now,” says Leroy, pulling him inside. “Now, Jasper, I’m gonna sit down and have me a drink.”

“But we’s privates,” says Jasper.

“You blind?” asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. “We’re sergeants now.”

So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. “You’re cute,” she says, “and I’d like to screw you, but I’ve got a bad case of gonorrhea.”

Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, “Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what ‘gonorrhea’ means. If it’s okay, give me the okay sign.”

So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay sign.

Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.

“Jasper,” he says, “why’d you give me the okay?”

“Well, Leroy, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhea affects only the privates.” He points to his stripes, “But we’re sergeants now!”

An Elevator

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, ‘What is this Father?’
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, ‘Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.’

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son… ‘Go get your Mother’

Jewish Newly Weds

A young Jewish couple got married and went on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

“Well”, said her mother, “so how was the honeymoon?”

“Oh mama”, she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful!
So romantic”… Suddenly she burst out crying.

“But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language — things
I’d never heard before!
I mean, all these awful four-letter words!
You’ve got to take me home!!

PLEASE MAMA !”

“Sarah, Sarah”, her mother said, “calm down!
You need to stay with your husband and work this out.
Now, tell me, what could be so awful?
WHAT four-letter words?”

“Please don’t make me tell you, mama,” wept the daughter.
“I’m so embarrassed, they’re just too awful!
COME GET ME, PLEASE!!”

“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset.
Tell your mother these horrible four-letter words!”

Sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, Mama…, he used words like: “DUST, WASH , IRON, and COOK…

“I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes,” said her mother.

Man and Dog

A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of whiskey.

He proposes a toast and both he and his dog empty their glasses.

The girl behind the bar is surprised and asks, Can your dog perform other tricks?”.

“But of course”, the man answers, “he can even satisfy a woman.”
Anxious to know more the girl leads the man and the dog into a little room above the bar.
She undresses and full of expectation she lies down on the bed.

The dogs looks at her and does nothing.

“It’s always the same thing with you!”, the man then shouts to the dog, ‘I’ll show you how to do it one last time’.

Testing Organs

There were these three guys at the lake, a German, an Englishman and a Nigerian.

The German took out his dick, put it in the water, waited a while and told the others: “I can feel the water it’s a 32 degrees Celsius.”

The other two were amazed. “Let me try”, the Englishman said. So he put his organ in the water, waited and said: “To be more exact, the temperature is 32.3”

At last the black man took his equipment, lowered it into the lake and said: “I’ve no idea about the temperature, but the water is 2 feet 9 inches deep.”