One evening, a wife drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door and said, “Do you see that couple? How devote they are? He kisses her everytime they meet. Why don’t you do that?”

“I would love to,” replied the husband, “but I don’t know her well enough.”

1. A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife’s nipples while she was asleep.

   The next day, their driver died of poisoning. 

2. A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS.

   His son asked Dad why? He answered, so that when I am dead, no one will chase your mum. 

3. A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband.

   Maid said sir you are my witness you know I never wear panties. 

4. Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them, Son: “What are you doing?”

   Father: “I’m putting petrol on your Mom.”

   Son: “Haauu – Haauu! Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr Zwane has put in yesterday.”

   Mother fainted! 

5. A man went to the pub with his wife.

   When he left for the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered: “You must demand cash before sex, I know him he doesn’t pay.

A girl tells her mom that she is going out to have some french fries.

She went out and had sex with a boy for an hour and came back home.

Mother: “And how was were the fries?”
Girl: “Nice!!”
Mother: “I can see that, the mayonnaise is dripping out of your mouth.”

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for two years. A few weeks ago she made me very happy by agreeing to marry me, there was one problem she has an extremely hot sister, I mean everytime she bends down I can see almost everything so one day she call me over to come work on invitations.

I walk in and sit down she whispers in my ear “I’ve always had feelings for you if you would like to have one last fling before you get married come upstairs.” She walks up the stairs and throws her panties on me.

I’m so shocked I look at the stairs, I look at the door, then again at the stairs. I then run to my car, my entire family in law is sitting outside they are all cheering for me, my father in law says “You’re welcome to the family” and they’re all so proud of me for not giving in.

*any way the moral of the story is always keep your condoms in your car!

Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin.

The doctor said, “Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint… and a shovel.”

Paddy asked, “And what do I do with these, doc?”

The doctor replied, “Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I ever saw.’, you hit her with the shovel.”