A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were that the short story had to contain the following three things:
(1) Religion
(2) Sexuality
(3) Mystery
Below is the only A+ paper in the class.
“Good God, I’m pregnant, I wonder who the father is.”
Q: What is the strongest muscle?
A: Tongue… Because it can raise woman’s hip with just one lick.
Q: What is the lightest muscle?
A: Penis… Because it can be raised by a woman’s lips!
Fact: A woman can guide a 1.5″ diameter penis into an inch diameter vagina in pitch dark without looking, But cannot park a 6ft long car in a 7ft.long parking space in daylight!
Advantages of having an affair with married women.
They give like hell. They do not yell. They do not tell. They do not swell and there are no wedding bells!
The Pussy Poem; This is a hole that never heals, the more you rub it the better it feels.
But all the soap from here to hell, can never remove that fucking smell.
Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
A: A chicken is the result of a SITTING HEN, whereas a baby is the result of a STANDING COCK!
My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise.
Why?
Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!
Q: Why do men snore when lying on their backs?
A: Because their balls flop over their asshole and this causes an airlock
Q: What is the difference between a black and a white fairy tale?
A: White begins “Once upon a time…” Black begins “Y’all MO ‘fuckers you a’int gonna believe this shit…”
Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY… It’s SHOWTIME!
Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later.
Hey Employee
|| Tum pichli late promotion ka
paschatap mat karo ||
|| Tum Agli Promotion ki
chinta bhi mat karo ||
|| Bus apni current posting se
hi prassan raho |
|| Tum Jab nahin the tab bhi ye
office chal raha tha ||
|| Tum jab nahin hoge, tab bhi ye
chalta rehega |
|| Jo PC aaj tumhara hai,
Kal kisi or ka tha ||
|| Parso kisi or ka hoga. Tum ise
apna samajh kar magan ho rahe ho.
|| Yahi tumhare samast
dukho ka kaaran hai. ||
||Appraisal, incentive, promotion
increment ye shabad apne man
se nikal do ||
|| Phir tum is office ke ho
Aur ye office tumhara hai
“Kalyanam bhavatu“
Ingredients:
2 Loving eyes.
2 Loving arms
2 Well shaped legs
2 Firm milk containers
1 Fur lined mixing bowl
2 Large nuts
1 Large banana
Method:
Look into loving eyes.
Fold in loving arms
Spread well shaped legs
Squeeze and massage milk containers gently until fur lined milking bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.
Add banana – work in and out until well creamed.
Cover with nuts and sigh with relief.
Cake done when banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don’t lick the bowl!
P.S. If cake begins to rise, leave town immediately!!!!
Two elderly ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
The lady asked, “What’s that?”
“A condom,”the other lady responded. “This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.”
“Where did you get it?” the other lady asked.
“You can get them at any drugstore.”
The next day, the first lady hobbled herself down to the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
“It doesn’t matter as long as it fits a Camel.”
The pharmacist fainted.