A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, “Daddy, what’s sex?”

Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams. He thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works. He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he’s finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge.

Her father finally asks, “So what did you want to know about sex for?”

“Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs…”

At the Immigration’s desk in a Canadian port, a newcomer hands over his papers. The clerk checks them over and says, Sir, you put 2 in the sex section?

Yes, 2 times per week, the man replies.

But is it male or female? asks the clerk.

It doesn’t matter.

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft’s all bent.
3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can’t get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I’ve got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

The three stages of marital sex:

Honeymoon sex… Where you have sex three or four times a night.

Vacation sex… Where you have sex ten or twelve times a year.

Oral sex… Where you stand on the opposite side of the room and shout ‘FU’!

• Male Sexual Facts…?I don’t know if these are true or not. I question its validity because I thought it was normal to have a 9 inch penis.
  1. 94% of men lie about their dick size. According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of men need extra large condoms.
  2. The average man is 5 inches long when erect (no matter what you have heard ladies, that’s the truth). Incidentally the average vaginal capacity is only 6 inches, for you women who think you can handle king dong.
  3. 80% of American men are circumcised. It’s healthier.
  4. No matter what all the ads say, nothing can make your penis grow but time (most men reach the end of their growth by the early 20’s)
  5. There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size, or nose size.
  6. Blue balls does exist! It’s technically called “prostatic congestion.”
  7. Only 16% of men shave their privates.

• Women Sexual Facts…?
  1. Only 9% of women around the globe consider themselves “attractive” (20% of British women do). 43% of women use the term “natural”, 24% say they have “average” looks, 8% prefer the term “feminine”, 7% say they are “good looking”, and 7% say they are “cute”, and finally only 2% of women say they are “sexy”.
  2. An estimated 85% of women wear the wrong size bra.
  3. 60% of women have had breast implants (this seems ridiculously high)
  4. 75% of women like giving/getting oral sex.
  5. 95% of women shave their pussies…I mean privates.